I'm here

I sometimes find myself trying to blame things on high school.

“Well, if Gardendale High School didn’t have such horrible math teachers...”

“I took two years of Spanish and can’t even speak a sentence. I even forgot what my Spanish name was.”

“I mean, I never even actually passed my Driver’s Ed. test.”

But the one thing that I constantly want to blame my Alma matter for is this-

College is hard, we get it. But no one tells you how confused and anxious it makes you feel.

In high school, everyone is on the same page. You are all learning the same things and it is up to you and how hard you want to work to achieve great things. But no one tells you that the minute you begin college, everyone starts falling on different pages. Some graduate before you. Some get great jobs, others don’t. Some leave school early. Some stay a while. Some choose higher education in order to be doctors. Some just want a Bachelor’s in psychology. Some get married. Some people have fun in college. Others have no fun at all. Some like to party. Some like to study. Some find their soul mates. Others find heartache.

All of these different pages make me doubt the pages in my own book. I often have expressed on my blog or general babbling online that the real world makes me anxious. I have put my heart and soul and every ounce of energy I can squeeze going on 4 hours of sleep daily, to prepare for my future. And at times, I can’t help but worry. A second ago a friend of mine from school, who intentionally is remaining nameless because she knew this would someone end up either on here or on my social media, told me something I will never forget. She said, “Kelsey, you are here. Stop thinking about wherever “there” is and eventually you will actually get there.”

Thanks girl.

As soon as ***** said that, I immediately thought of one of my favorite parts of a book that changed my life when I was 20 years-old. Of course, I’m talking about Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat, Pray, Love. I can literally quote this part word-for-word.

“There's a reason we refer to "leaps of faith" because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over to the unknowable, and I don't care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational; it isn't. If faith were rational, it wouldn't be, by definition, faith. Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch. Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy.”

P.S.

My Spanish name is…

Kelsey

Mindy Kaling’s Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities

For my girls,

Love y'all.


I CAN BORROW ALL YOUR CLOTHES
Anything in your closet, no matter how fancy, is co-owned by me, your best friend. I can borrow it for as long as I want. If I get something on it or lose it, I should make all good faith attempts to get it cleaned or buy you a new one, but I don’t need to do that, and you still have to love me. If I ruin something of yours and don’t replace it, you’re allowed to talk shit about me to our other friends for a calendar year. That’s it. Then you have to get over it. One stipulation to borrowing your clothes is that you have to have worn the item at least once before I borrow it. I’m not a monster.

WE SLEEP IN THE SAME BED
If we’re on a trip or if our boyfriends are away, and there’s a bed bigger than a twin, we’re partnering up. It is super weird for us to not share a bed. How else will we talk until we fall asleep?

I MUST BE 100% HONEST ABOUT HOW YOU LOOK, BUT GENTLE
Your boyfriend is never going to tell you that your skirt is too tight and riding up too high on you. In fact, you shouldn’t have even asked him, poor guy. He wants to have sex with you no matter how pudgy you are. I am the only person besides your mom who has the right (and responsibility) of telling you that. I should never be overly harsh when something doesn’t look good on you, because I know you are fragile about this and so am I. I will employ the gentle, vague expression, “I’m not crazy about that on you,” which should mean to you: “Holy shit, take that off, that looks terrible.” I owe it to you to give feedback like a cattle prod: painful but quick.

I CAN DITCH YOU, WITHIN REASON
I can ditch you to hang out with a guy, but only if that possibility has been discussed and getting-ride-home practicalities have been worked out prior to the event. In return, I need to talk about you a lot with that guy so he knows how much I love you.

I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID IF YOU DIE
I can’t even write about this, it’s too sad. But yes, I will do that. And you will have one awesome little kid who hears endless stories about how amazing and beautiful and perfect you were. Incidentally, your kid will grow up loving Indian food.

I WILL NURSE YOU BACK TO HEALTH
If you are crippled with pain because of a UTI, I need to haul ass to CVS to get you some medicine, fast. I should also try to pick up a fashion magazine and candy that you like, because distracting you from your pain is part of nursing you back to health as well.

WE WILL TRADE OFF BEING SOCIAL ACTIVITIES CHAIR FOR OUR OUTINGS
On trips together, I promise to man up and be the person who drives the rental car sometimes, or uses my credit card and have people pay me back later. Someone needs to check on Yelp to see what the good brunch place is. Neither of us gets to be the princess all the time, I get that.

I WILL KEEP YOUR FAVORITE FEMININE HYGEINE PRODUCT AT MY HOUSE
Even though no one uses maxi-pads anymore, like you do, weirdo, I will keep a box at my house for when you come over.

SAME WITH YOUR CONTACT LENS SOLUTION
I can’t believe you won’t get Lasik already. I know you read someone went blind from it, but that was like twenty years ago. Not getting Lasik at this point is like being that girl in 2006 who didn’t have a cell phone.

I WILL TRY TO LIKE YOUR BOYFRIEND FIVE TIMES
This is a fair number of times to hang out with your boyfriend and withhold judgment.

WHEN I TAKE A SHOWER AT YOUR PLACE, I WON’T DROP THE TOWEL ON THE FLOOR
Your home isn’t a hotel. I forget sometimes because you make it so comfortable for me.

IF YOU’RE DEPRESSED, I WILL BE THERE FOR YOU
As everyone knows, depressed people are some of the most boring people in the world. I know this because when I was depressed, people fled. Except my best friends. I will be there for you during your horrible breakup, and you can tell me a hundred times the same sad stories about how you thought he was going to be the one. I will be there for you to tell your long revenge fantasies to, and also to Facebook stalk whoever you want. I know I will hate it and find you really tedious, but I promise I won’t abandon you.

I WILL HATE AND RE-LIKE PEOPLE FOR YOU
But don’t get mad if I can’t keep track. Robby? Don’t we hate him? No, we love him. Okay, okay. Sorry.

IT IS OKAY TO TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
I know when you fall in love with someone you will completely forget about me. That hurts my feelings, but it is okay. Please try to remember to text me, if you can, if you know I have something going on in my life, like a work promotion or something.

NO TWO PEOPLE ARE BETTER THAN US
We fucking rock. No one can beat us.

Moments

I just went and saw The Vow. No, I didn't cry. Currently I have food poisoning, so it is a little hard for me to dive head first into a unreachable love story tonight. However, I did leave the movies with my eyes open a little bit wider.

Really the basis of the film was about how moments in life impact other moments in life. There are times where I have looked at my life and wondered how I even got to such places and there have been other times where I have wondered why I was so lucky to be where I was. Sometimes I have convinced myself, especially during hard times, that randomly a fly ball just hits you on the head out of nowhere from time to time. But then I look back and the pieces really start to fall into place.

When I think about life's moments and I think about the decisions I have made in life, my mind really wraps around the holy spirit. There are times when I know that I hear myself in my head, but there has been defining moments when God has really turned the mic up. I have never been and will never be Mother Teresa, but I do like to think that I have done some good in my life. Of course I say that as humbly as I can and all the credit goes to God's taps on the shoulder and people that have shown me what compassion looks like; people like my Mom and close friends. But I have done some bad things. About 96.7 percent of those bad things were done intentionally. But there are things that cringe me more than the bad things that I have done and those are the things that I haven't done...

When I was 17 I was at the beach with a friend. This memory is literally burned in my head- it is a memory I will never forget. I was laying on the top side of a bunk bed and my friend was laying below me. I was wearing a hot pink, University of Alabama t-shirt. The walls were yellow. I was talking to my friend about a boy that I liked at the time when I got a text message on my phone that said, "how's the beach?"

I didn't respond. This text was a from a friend that I had started to neglect. I try to think back as to why I did, but I can't come up with a good enough answer. I even made a remark to my friend that this boy had sent me a text and I had no intentions of responding back to him. He continued to send more that night and I never answered any of them. I was 17 and I thought I was the coolest person I had ever met.

Here is another memory I will never forget- my old vice principal picking me up off the ICU floor after I hit the ground face first from pure shock; pure shock from realizing that I was never going to receive text messages from that boy again.

I stared at those text messages for months. I even responded back in hopes that his Mom or his sister might answer. There was so much I wanted to tell him..

"The beach was so much fun, thanks for asking."

"I got a henna tattoo of a stick figure girl with big boobs. I thought it was funny. My Mom is pissed."

"Remember when JV stabbed us in the back and secretly had a black out dance? Thanks for grabbing my megaphone and screaming "you're a bunch of nasty whores" at them the whole time."

"You NEVER drive."

"Yes, I do believe the store Forever 21 was named after you and your amazing basketball skills."

"Your raps never rhyme nor do they make sense."

"I think we were meant to be black people."

There are moments that you will never be able to understand or explain. You can sit around and wonder why did this happen; why didn't I do this; what would have happened if I did something different, etc. Yes, you make decisions and choices that alter certain destinies in life, but I also believe that moments happen for you to grasp something that not only affects your next page in your story, but something that you will carry with you till "The End."

When moments happen, don't force them. Just let them happen and be yourself. Don't think about it too much. When something does happen, give it some time and let the answer reveal itself. God wants you to move forward because he has some really great things waiting for you. And if you haven't seen a friend in a while, send them a text message...or answer theirs.

Wear Sunscreen

The start of a new year is always refreshing. It is a chance for everyone to start setting new goals and building upon new or existing dreams. However, setting a goal and dreaming of doing something wonderful is a lot easier said than done. I once had a professor say, "Booking a flight is a lot easier than boarding the plane." Think about it. 

I came across this book over the weekend called, Wear Sunscreen. It was written by Mary Schmich who is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. One day in 1997, Mary walked past a girl who was tanning outside and thought, "Wow, she should be wearing sunscreen." The next week was a standard week of graduations (end of May) and Mary used her column to give a fake graduation commencement speech. She was inspired by the advice she wanted to tell the young girl she saw tanning outside. Her column spread like wildfire and allowed for Mary to write a book dedicated to giving others advice. Below is a copy of the speech. Enjoy!

"Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

As humorous as Mary's speech is, there is a defined, underlying meaning in pretty much all she says and that is to LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE.

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you might notice from time to time that I make punches at the way young girls dress and act. I have even dubbed a name for girls who take revealing pictures of themselves, calling them "Facebook Models." While I have to admit that yes, I am intentionally somewhat trying to be mean, I am always trying to point out that there is a huge problem in girls, particularly in my generation and ESPECIALLY the generation below me. The problem is...

GIRLS DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LIVE THEIR OWN LIVES.

I have fallen victim to this. As a girl in my early twenties and living in the Heart of Dixie, aka "Ala-get married ASAP-bama," I have constantly found myself in worry that I am missing out or falling behind because I am single and a lot of my friends are in relationships, engaged and married. Most of my friends have successfully gone on to become teachers and nurses. I am on the other end of the spectrum in the Public Relations world AND still in school. There have been hundreds of occasions that I have asked myself, "Should I go into teaching? What if PR is too hard? What if I am bad at it? Am I smart enough to go into nursing?"

Then my guardian angel, who I am convinced smokes cigarettes due the stress I cause him or her, taps me on the shoulder and reminds me...

1. I am very fast-paced. It takes a very special, patient and relaxed soul to teach children. I would expect them to listen to what I have to say and instantly understand what I am talking about. My good friends will tell you that sometimes all they can do is nod because they have no clue what I am talking about. Half the time, I don't even know what I am talking about...

2. How do I say this...um, if it is something that originally began inside of your body, I want it to stay there. I don't want to see it. I also don't want to see what the inside of a person looks like. If I did, then I would watch House more.When it comes time for me to have little me's, I just want to go to the hospital, get a really big shot and pretend that the doctor pulled my baby out of a magic hat, along with maybe Starbucks too. Yum.

These are all examples of why it is not MEANT for me to do those things. My interests lie elsewhere and I have chosen to pursue those. Today I feel like young girls just desire to follow everyone else. They act, dress and say things all because they heard other people say or do whatever. If you are a 14 year-old girl and you were raised on a cul-de-sac, then please do not talk like you quit school when you were 9 and you wear your jeans 19 sizes too big. 

I'm not saying it is wrong to be a follower. But you need to follow YOURSELF. And take my advice...

*When you are 12, you do not need a "smokey eye." The boys in your class still think you are gross. You are 12. You look like someone gave you a black eye with that kind of eye shadow on. In fact, Billy in class probably wants to give you a black eye because you won't leave him alone. 

*Put the peace sign down. This trend came about from celebrities. They are paid for being cool. You are not being paid to make a fool out of yourself. For gosh-sake, put it down. Those peace signs make me want to break all of your little high school fingers. That is the symbol for peace. Unless you are promoting peace the Middle East or you are an Asian decked out in Hello Kitty and you are standing in front of the Hard Rock Cafe taking a picture, then I better not see a peace sign from you.

*If you are in high school right now and you are single, then let me be the first to tell you that in about four years, you are going to thank yourself. About 1 percent of the married people I know, married their high school sweetheart. THEY ARE THE EXCEPTION. Always consider yourself the rule, never the exception. If something great happens and it makes you an exception, then praise God. If you are in a relationship right now and you are under the age of 18 and you are arguing or there is lots of drama, then end it. I promise you, that relationship is only going to take you down Embarrassment Lane and Regret Road. When you get out of high school, you are going to mentally and possibly physically (freshman 15) grow to a point where you won't even recognize the person you once were. Don't let a boy make you do something stupid. Take that in any context you'd like. Choose how you want your relationship to be. The world is a big place, but there isn't room for you to be carrying around baggage wherever you go. 

*Do want you truly want to do. If you have been playing "Mommy" for your entire life and you meet a wonderful man who can provide you with the means to stay home with your children, then do so. If that makes you happy, then that is amazing. If you have been dreaming of opening up a frying pan store, as odd as it is, strive to sell the best frying pans you possibly can. If you dream of moving to the Bahamas to work at the front desk of a resort, but you are afraid to move because you might miss out on what your friends are doing, then move. Your friends will always be with you wherever you go. 

Everyone is meant to be their own person. As goofy as you might be, God really has some special things waiting for your goofy butt. But you have to work hard. And smile from time to time.

One of my favorite members at Lakeshore is a woman named Gloria and she is 89 years old. This woman could run circles around me. She always makes jokes about how old she is and how she thinks she might kiss the sky soon. When I get on to her and tell her that she is going to out-live me, she usually says, "Kelsey, God woke me up today. He obviously has some stuff He wants me to do."

If you haven't already, find out why you are here. And no, you are not here to throw up a peace sign.

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot

Love Works

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” -Bob Marley

I have not updated my blog in over half a year. My life has been filled with the usual; school, work, internships, organizations, volunteer work, etc. I am, and will always be, the busiest person I know. In which, I am very thankful for...strangely.

Sometimes I can barely remember what day it is because I am still marking things off of my planner from three days prior. I stress over being stressed.

When I was young, my Mother would take me to work with her. I would wake up early, drink some "surprise" (my term for 'chocolate milk.' -I made up words when I was young and my parents never corrected me because they thought it was funny. It's not funny when you are fourteen years old and your friends are making fun of you for saying pan-A-cake instead of pancake.) and then get dressed up to go to work with my Mom. I would walk into my Mom's office and watch her work for a few minutes and then mimic EVERYTHING that she did. I remember she was always signing her name at the bottom of papers. So I would take a bunch of blank pieces of paper and write my name in large, 4 year-old scribble on them. She would type a lot on the computer, so therefore, I would sit at an empty computer and just type for hours. Nothing I typed made sense. I could hardley even spell my own name, let alone actual words. I would spend my time from 8 A.M. to 5 P.M. pretending to work. It is virtually impossible for most parents to take their child to work with them, but the empty desk in my Mom's office served as a daycare for me. I used my imagination to pretend that I was being a productive member of society. Most children my age during that time would have rathered received a shot at the doctor than go to work all day with their parents, having to sit still and be quiet.

I oddly enjoyed going to work.

I love my job more than anything. There are very few aspects about school that I love, but I still love a small percentage. I began a new internship today that I am already in love with. I generally love everything that keeps me busy. It's hard work, but I love working hard. I love my finished products. I love the look on Dr. Wittig's face when he has no choice but to give me a good grade. I love hearing, "thank you" and "good job today." I love knowing that I helped someone. All of these things help me to love myself.

Whether you are single or married, whether you are working at McDonald's or a Fortune 500 company, it is important to remember that love takes work. Love is never easy. Love is going to require you to spend time figuring it out, working at it and trying your best to make it the best it can be; whether it be realationships, job, school, etc.

"I am not sure exactly what Heaven will be like, but I know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will not ask, 'How many good things have you done in your life?' rather he will ask, 'How much love did you put into what you did?" -Mother Teresa